God...

In that life , there is plenty of believers
Believers of god
They call him, her, it :
Allah , Jesus , Buddah and plenty of other names

In that life, there is plenty of non believers
Saying that if god existed
they wouldn't be suffering that much
That science can explain it all
That there wouldn't be any wars
And plenty of other reasons

In that life of mine
I am not one of all those
Yes I do believe in something
And yes i call Him, her,it God cause
I wouldn't know how to call him, her, it differently


It has been a long relationship between both of us
I several times been angry or
been happy of having Him, Her, it by my side
...
And yes i do doubt of his, her, its existence when times are hard
But if I had to reminisce all those times
where I been lucky
Where I had someone to make it through
when exactly what I needed happened to save my life
...
I can only think oh Him, her, it
I don't see no other explanations
something, somebody has always been looking over me
somebody saved me
and made me stronger than I was

yes I did too
I saved my own life
and I made myself stronger
But not by myself...
With him, her, it by my side

so God ...
Thank you
May you continue to look over me
please.

Once upon a night...

I remember a night
Something like 1 or 2 am in NYC,
Back in the days when i was still able to cry,
When all i could do was crying,
I remember that night
In a stranger house
Crying all my heart out
crying like never,
I just couldnt stop crying
no matter what I would do ,
My tears wouldnt stop flowing,
My heart was just buring the hell out of me,
Cause I was alone
Well...

Not totally
I had someone to hold my hands
to reassure me
to tell me that everything would be alright
to comfort me
...

You only meet those few persons in life
that you know if anythings goes bad
there'll be right there standing besides you
he is one of them
he is family
....

I got family
though they are far
today i can tell I got family
Family that I love and that loves me
It's been a long way to get that
But I got it
Hoefully it'll grow stronger

Fight ?

I think i became an adult
I lost all kind of fantasies i could have
and though it does feel calmer
it feels empty

I have put aside that war
and honestly
i dont feel guilty for not fighting
i feel quite calm actually

the more the time pass by
the more am closing myself to the outside world
i dont even believe anymore in a saviour
and i havent been able to pray since weeks neither cause ...
that wouldnt be honest of me

I have no convictions no more
Some little goals that make me hold on everyday
Some memories that hurts me each and every day
music , food , and video games to help me get through the weeks

I save as much money as i can though it's hard
cause one of my goals is to get my hair back
For the look yes i wont lie
but more for proving to myself that things can change
even a lil bit
that i can get back for once what life took from me
Or maybe it was never mine
but that i dont think ill ever know it in that life

All i got is me
the love I built for myself
is what makes me hold on
I dont feel like fighting no more war
my whole life has been one already
and i never been the winner
Never...

So amma live
take care of myself
And may tomorrow hold surprises for me
Maybe surprises that could lemme dream again

This is not war
not today
neither tomorrow
This is me!
that's all it is , me .

What a soldier thinks...

War has never been an easy road.


Everybody fights his own so they think they know how to fight.
I do too.
I got my own way to fight.
But maybe a soldier shouldn't expose his skills so easily.

shouldn't give advices about how they should fight their owns
especially when he didn't win any major fights yet...

Better keep my advices to myself since am so drastic or too harsh for them.
yup!
cause I believe in my way as much as they believe in theirs.

Only time will tell.

This is war
yes it is.