Soldier

In this war called life
I've been for real long a victim,
Dodging the bullets i could,
taking the majority of them in the center of my heart,
suffering under the explosions of bomb,
crying at night cause of the pain,
staying numb and too afraid to do anything in that life
In that life called war...
I ve been a civil ...
I don't know how exactly I survived all that time
actually I do !
I am smart, I think I always been , though people think am a brainless brute I am smart .

No school smart , school was prison to me , street smart , streets teached me everything I know ...
Today the good ... Before the bad .

When i wasn't a soldier yet , when i didn't have the strenght i have today , I used my brain , I lied , I stole , I betrayed , I cheated , I did all that in order to survive...
But the day that life offered me a moment of peace...a fragile place where I could rest  I thought that I would keep it that way .
As adam and eve lost paradise, I lost mine , By my own fault , by lying to myself , by not having built myself strong enough to fight honestly for my paradise ...

I refused it , that's when I became a soldier , when I choosed to not be a victim of that war anymore to retrieve my paradise by hard work and honesty , And i never gave up , until the day that paradise told me . NO! MY DOORS ARENT OPEN TO YOU ANYMORE!

Then I thought war ended , as I said , I was in that area , no more bullets in my guns , no more grenades on my belt , Losing my blood , but crawling on the ground with only strenght the promise I made to myself , To never give up...

With that promise I became a soldier .

So no I ain't no first rank soldier yet , I still take majority of the bullets , right in the center of my heart, I still get burn by the bombs that get dropped in that war , But i don't need to lie to myself , neither to others , don't need to cheat , play , and betraye ,to survive , I survive with my one self , I survive with and for my ideals, I don't stay numb as long as I used to, and as long as God wants me alive , I'll need to get up and fight , If I get up , if I fight , It's not over , I might be still a Low rank soldier , risible to the eyes of people , but I need to learn to respect their point of view , cause they live their own war too , and still not let their bombs touch me , easier to say than to do , but am learning.

Still revenge, but anger and hatred won't help , Let's try to be smart , It's been my first weapon , Double edged weapon actually , let's use it and not cut myself this time .

To never give up.
To always get up though I fall on the battlefield in pain .
To hear but not always to listen.
To never give up.

One day , Revenge.
This is ... war.
I lost a battle , I'll win that war .
Cause am a soldier , nope , The soldier in that war .
My war , my life .